A relatively close friend is getting married next month in Key West FL (destination wedding). I just got her bachelorette invite it's at one of the nicest restaurants in town ($36 normal entree), plus bring a gift for a gift exchange, plus a gift for the bride.
This is on top of the 2 showers I've been invited to for the same wedding, plus a traditional wedding gift, plus airfare and accommodations.
Anyone else think this is out of hand? What are your thoughts on destination weddings and the "extra" events? I personally think if you're asking friends to fly somewhere for your big day, you should keep the other costs to a bare minimum!
What do you think is an appropriate amount to ask guests to pay for a bachelorette party (especially if they've been to invited to showers too!)|||Totally out of hand.
Attend one of the showers, one is enough, and the wedding/reception.
Extra events are just that, extras. If you can afford them, great, if not then that's that. You are an out of town guest so it's not like you live around the corner....your expense in attending the wedding MUST be a consideration whether the bride likes it or not.
Gift exchange at a batchelorette party? Gift for the bride too? Plus the cost of the meal/drinks?WTF??????????
Just because you received an invite you are NOT obligated to go. Good luck.|||I myself had a destination wedding, so to help friends I didn't have a shower, a formal baccalaureate party, a rehearsal dinner or engagement party But that was just me, and most of our friends are artists and don't really have too much money. However, people did get us gifts on the day of the wedding.
Even though your friend is doing all of this, she probably doesn't realize that she's putting you out. She's probably just really excited to get married. To keep your costs down, maybe eat something before the party and just get a salad or an appetizer at the restaurant. There are some great deals right now at stores, so when shopping for a gift for the gift exchange, go to the sale section of the store. You might be surprised what you'll find.
When you do go to her wedding in Key West - have a great time! Don't think about the expense. I think it's going to be really fun. Not only are you gonna have fun at the wedding, but you'll be on a mini vacation, too.
Also, since she is expecting a lot from guests, she's probably creating the event of the century. Just have fun|||My guests aren't paying anything for my bachelorette party, and only the cost of a gift for the shower if my MOH throws one and if they choose to come. If I were you I wouldn't go to any of the additional events, paying to attend the destination wedding and providing one gift if you see fit is quite sufficient.|||Keeping the other costs: wonderful idea|||Gosh! I recently asked a very similar question and people ASSURED me it did not happen.
I think guests should never be expected to pay beyond the traditional wedding present and possible participation to bachelorette or bachelor party.
When I got married, some of my friends organised my bachelorette even though I said I wouldn't have one. I know the one who organized it asked everyone for 50 euro, but ended up refunding part of that to each when it turned out to be cheaper than she had expected.
I think in some situations it's ok to ask a contribution from the guests: if that contribution is low enough and if it's not about contributing to extravagant things. For example a couple who has trouble affording dinner could ask of everyone a small contribution or organise a potluck wedding. But if it's about making a huge party for 500 guests then no.|||Very out of hand. Very rude to have been invited to two showers. Very rude to be asked to bring a gift to a bachelorette party yet again for the bride. This is not a celebration it is a make a patsy out of the wedding guests, I wouldn't be surprised if they also hit you up with a money dance. Personally, I would have to turn down some of these invitations. I would not have attended a second shower or a bachelorette party where I have to bring along two gifts. It's one thing to chip in and help pay for the bride's good time that night, another thing to bring more gifts. Bless your heart, perhaps you should think about backing out of the trip. Going broke for someone else who is so inconsiderate is no fun.|||wow, she sounds like she is milking the wedding for everything she can get. one shower and a bachelorette party should be plenty. and being a destination wedding, I'd probably even skip one of those.|||She didn't throw the bachelorette or showers other people do that for her. She's just throwing the wedding. If you can't afford the extras just tell her you can't make it but you'll be at the wedding. If she's your friend she'll understand.|||Out of hand..and if the havent figured that out yet...theres a problem.
Id go to the wedding...I wouldnt be able to make the other events....it is what it is....Im thinking they think that theyre the only ones that matter right now...the only ones with bills.|||I had a destination wedding. I felt bad enough about making people pay for flights etc! I never had any showers/extras because I felt people were putting out enough already. I think this is quite unfair of this bride. I'd buy her a wedding gift, if you go to her shower, then a shower gift, then just cover your own expenses and thats that|||First of all....I have never heard of a gift exchange at a bachelorette party AND a gift for the bride? Way overdone.
Then, you should NEVER have been invited to two showers. Sometimes the bride does have more than one shower, but the guests are divided up. I would only have attended one, but what is done now is done.
You do not need to participate in the gift exchange thing. I wouldn't if I were you. Just go to the restaurant, which is already costing.
Yes, this whole wedding seems to be out of hand.|||It is definitely out of hand. No one needs more than 1 shower. And a bachelorette party is not a gift-giving occasion, the gift exchange is extra-weird.
I think whoever is hosting the bachelorette should pay for the party. Its not appropriate to ask guests to pay.
This bride is clearly full of herself. However, you still have the option of not attending these extra events. If you are willing to attend and fork over your money, thats YOUR problem.|||No-one should be invited to a "shower" except very intimate mutual friends of the bride and the hostess: people whom the hostess is personally certain actually WANT to participate in showering the bride with gifts. Traditional showers are very small gatherings of very close friends, and traditional shower gifts are token gifts: consumables, housewares, the kind of thing that are necessary to setting up housekeeping but which wear out or get used up. If you find yourself invited to a shower where you resent the obligation, you have obviously been invited in error and should decline.
Destination weddings are an imposition, and like all other impositions you should go along only if you find yourself wanting to for your own reasons. If you don't want to go to Key West, decline the invitation.
Gifts are optional, even traditional ones. If you find yourself resenting the expense, write a note of congratulations instead.
As for bachelorette parties, I find them a bore and slightly vulgar. I think the "shared cost" model is the norm, but as with showers such things should be kept to the small group of friends who all agree that's how they want to celebrate. You don't agree -- so decline.
If enough people decline these greedy impositions, maybe people will stop imposing them.|||Talk to the bride and tell her your financial situation. Most likely she isn't inviting you to all these things because she expects all these gifts from you, but because she wants your company. You invite all the stuffy aunts to get expensive presents ;)
All the bachelorette parties I've been to we had to pay our own way plus help pay for the bride, but I've never had to get a gift. I assume that it will be sort of a lingerie party, so but her a cheap pair of undies or some massage oils. If you don't think you can handle it, don't go or talk to the maid of honor (or whoever is throwing the party).|||Pay for your airfare and hotel and one shower gift. That's all you need to pay for. I've NEVER heard of bringing a gift to a bacholorette party, let alone TWO. Wedding gifts are not required..it's the shower gift that's supposed to be expected...look it up on any respectable wedding website. Graciously turn down all invites other than the wedding.
Personally speaking (or typing in this case) I'm not having a shower or a bacholorette party. I'm not even expecting my guests to bring a gift to the wedding. And we (my fiance and I..no help from parents or anyone else) are hosting THREE parties...no gifts required or asked for. I hate greediness and I especially find it very tacky when it's a bride. One doesn't get married to get gifts...one gets married because they want to spend the rest of their lives with the person they're marrying.
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