Please critique my book! Is it good? Would you read it?

now i know i've posted this before but i really want more feedback!





PROLOGUE-

“Sorry I’m la-“ a pistol was pointed straight at my face as I entered the crowded class room.

“Stay away from our son!” Mr. Holcomb shielded Daniel from my puzzled gaze.

“What’s going on?” I stared pleadingly at my classmates for answers, only receiving shameful gazes and fallen heads.

“We know what you are, Riley Anne. All of us do, and we want you to leave,” Daniel’s mother clutched her son without looking at me. Daniel’s face was shadowed. Not with his silky chestnut hair, but with grief and despair, as if he had lost a loved one.

“Wha- What do you mean?” my stomach shriveled up to the size of a quarter and my knees buckled. Mrs. Holcomb pulled an old video cassette from her jacket pocket and released Daniel, slowly trudging towards the TV. On the screen, an image flickered. The video of our experiment with the professor in his office flashed across the ancient glass. It looked terrible.

“Who the hell gave you this!?” I slammed my hand on the desk, denting its hard black surface.

“We have a reliable source,” my teacher, Mr. Underwood, pulled the tape from the TV.







Chapter 1 - Party

It rained the whole car ride to aunt Kathryn's house. Everything about the cold, dark sky reminded me of my Aunt's unwavering forbidding stares. I didn't know why Daniel and I had been invited. Perhaps aunt Kathryn needed to perfect her biting wit, or maybe had grown bored insulting the neighbors in muttered undertones behind a mendacious smile and lukewarm tea. If not for Daniel, who slept restlessly in the passenger seat, as if he too felt the oppressive clouds bearing down on him as they drew nearer, I wouldn’t have even considered going. Daniel had been my boyfriend for the longest time. He had been there for me, even if it meant sacrificing something.

The drive form Baltimore to Buda was unbearable. The landscape grew darker as we approached my aunt’s house. Passing over the Hays county line, a cold sensation trickled down my spine, as if I were pursuing death itself.

“Whoa!” Daniel jerked forward in his seat, slapping his forehand on the window of my Xterra.

“We just passed the county line,” I warned him, glancing at a six car pile-up on the opposite road.

“Oh,” Daniel whispered hesitantly, rubbing his slightly bruised hand, “How much longer?”

“About ten minuets so get ready,” I took the exit leading through a maze of trees, fading the atmosphere to pitch black aside from the faint glow from my headlights.



“This is her house?” Daniel stared in disbelief at the un-kept lawn.

“It’s farther back, you dummy,” I giggled faintly at his assumption. The last giggle I would probably have for an eternity, or at least a week. Suddenly in the blackness of the lawn, a two dim porch lights flickered in the darkness. The silhouette of a petite figure leaped out one of the mahogany front doors. Racing towards us was my aunt Kathryn’s daughter, Helen. I always loved to see Helen, especially when she visited without Aunt Kathryn. It was usually her that kept me from a spiraling depression during visits. Her blonde, curly hair bounced playfully in my face as she constricted me with her thin arms.

“Riley Anne! I’ve missed you so much! Come on! Come inside!” Helen pulled her baby blue night robe from the clutch of a dead rosebush inside the wrought iron gate, “Here, Daniel, let me help you.” Helen elevated our two massive suite cases in each arm, trudging up the wet grey stones. Auth Kathryn’s house was far too large for her pigmy self. There was an unoccupied second floor; the only exception was the bedroom. Below was a formal dining room gathering dust for twenty years connected to a kitchen the size of a small restaurant only used by Helen and the butler, Herbert. Finally there was a formal living room and a stunning tea room, commonly inhabited by aunt Kathryn herself.

“Allow me?” Herbert waited directly inside of the doors, prepared for anything we threw at him.

“Yeah, Herb. Take these to the two closest guest rooms, please,” our suit cases hit the tile with a massive THUMP! echoing endlessly through the vacant halls.Please critique my book! Is it good? Would you read it?
very cool!



One thing with the prologue though...it ends very abruptly on a not so exciting line...the rest was great but make the last line the best of allPlease critique my book! Is it good? Would you read it?
I really like this. It's not the usual crap you get on here.



A few bits might need rephrased or edited, though. Some bits are kind of confusing and some describe things too much. Others are just wrong and need to be fixed.



I see that Fernando is Herbert now!