Please critique my book! Is it good? Would you read it?

now i know i've posted this before but i really want more feedback!





PROLOGUE-

“Sorry I’m la-“ a pistol was pointed straight at my face as I entered the crowded class room.

“Stay away from our son!” Mr. Holcomb shielded Daniel from my puzzled gaze.

“What’s going on?” I stared pleadingly at my classmates for answers, only receiving shameful gazes and fallen heads.

“We know what you are, Riley Anne. All of us do, and we want you to leave,” Daniel’s mother clutched her son without looking at me.

“Wha- What do you mean?” my stomach shriveled up to the size of a quarter and my knees buckled. Mrs. Holcomb pulled an old video cassette from her jacket pocket and released Daniel, slowly trudging towards the TV. On the screen, an image flickered. The video of our experiment with the professor in his office flashed across the ancient glass. It looked terrible.

“Who the hell gave you this!?” I slammed my hand on the desk, denting its hard black surface. Lucas slithered out of my bag and hovered silently, only inches from my head.

“We have a reliable source,” my teacher, Mr. Underwood, pulled the tape from the TV.







Chapter 1 - Party

It rained the whole car ride to Aunt Kathryn's house. Everything about the cold, dark sky reminded me of my Aunt's unwavering forbidding stares. I didn't know why Daniel and I had been invited. Perhaps Aunt Kathryn needed to perfect her biting wit or had grown bored insulting the neighbors in muttered undertones behind a mendacious smile and lukewarm tea. If not for Daniel, who slept restlessly in the passenger seat as if he too felt the oppressive clouds bearing down on him as they drew nearer, I wouldn’t have even considered going.

The drive form Baltimore to Buda was unbearable. The landscape grew darker as we approached my Aunt’s house. Passing over the Hays county line, a cold sensation trickled down my spine, as if I were pursuing death itself.

“Whoa!” Daniel jerked forward in his seat, slapping his forehand on the window of my Xterra.

“We just passed the county line,” I warned him, glancing at a six car pile-up on the opposite road.

“Oh,” Daniel whispered hesitantly, rubbing his slightly bruised hand, “How much longer?”

“About ten minuets so get ready,” I took the exit leading through a maze of trees, fading the atmosphere to pitch black aside from the faint glow from my headlights.



“This is her house?” Daniel stared in disbelief at the un-kept lawn.

“It’s farther back, you dummy,” I giggled faintly at his assumption. The last giggle I would probably have for an eternity, or at least a week. Suddenly in the blackness of the lawn, a two dim porch lights flickered in the darkness. The silhouette of a petite figure leaped out one of the mahogany front doors. Racing towards us was my Aunt Kathryn’s daughter, Helen. I always loved to see Helen, especially when she visited without Aunt Kathryn. It was usually her that kept me from a spiraling depression during visits. Her blonde, curly hair bounced playfully in my face as she constricted me with her thin arms.

“Riley Anne! I’ve missed you so much! Come on! Come inside!” Helen pulled her silk baby blue night robe from the clutch of a dead rosebush inside the wrought iron gate, “Here, Daniel, let me help you.” Helen elevated our two massive suite cases in each arm, trudging up the wet grey stones. Auth Kathryn’s house was far too big for her pigmy self. There was an unoccupied second floor; the only exception was the bedroom. Below was a formal dining room gathering dust for twenty years, connected to a kitchen the size of a custom restaurant only used by Helen and the butler, Herbert. Finally there was a formal living room and a stunning tea room, commonly inhabited by the miniscule Aunt Kathryn herself.

“Allow me?” Herbert waited directly inside of the doors, prepared for anything we threw at him.

“Yeah, Herb. Take these to the two closest guest rooms, please,” our suit cases hit the tile with a massive THUMP! echoing for endlessly through the vancant halls.Please critique my book! Is it good? Would you read it?
I think you have a great way of describing things, I'd read it. I don't quite get the prologue - who's Lucas? And what is the connection between the prologue and the first chapter. Besides that, I could really feel what Riley Anne was feeling, could picture the aunt's home. You have a good way of making the reader feel like they are there, with the characters in the story.
it sounds like a really good book and i would really enjoy reading itPlease critique my book! Is it good? Would you read it?
sweetness.
You got my attention right away but definitely lost my attention by the "This is her house?" line. You have quite a few sentences with elementary structure that makes this seem unsophisticated. Also, you have numerous capitalization and spelling errors. (Aunt is not capitalized when preceded by a possessive pronoun.)
What is she?