Would you read this book?!?

Please dont let this scare you away, it's fast to read through.







PROLOGUE-

“Sorry I’m la-“ a pistol was pointed straight at my face as I entered the crowded class room.

“Stay away from our son!” Mr. Holcomb shielded Daniel from my puzzled gaze.

“What’s going on?” I stared pleadingly at my classmates for answers, only receiving shameful gazes and fallen heads.

“We know what you are, Riley Anne. All of us do, and we want you to leave,” Daniel’s mother clutched her son without looking at me.

“Wha- What do you mean?” my stomach shriveled up to the size of a quarter and my knees buckled. Mrs. Holcomb pulled an old video cassette from her jacket pocket and released Daniel, slowly trudging towards the TV. On the screen, an image flickered. The video of our experiment with the professor in his office flashed across the ancient glass. It looked terrible.

“Who the hell gave you this!?” I slammed my hand on the desk, denting its hard black surface. Lucas slithered out of my bag and hovered silently, only inches from my head.

“We have a reliable source,” my teacher, Mr. Underwood, pulled the tape from the TV.







Chapter 1 - Party

It rained the whole car ride to Aunt Kathryn's house. Everything about the cold, dark sky reminded me of my Aunt's unwavering forbidding stares. I didn't know why Daniel and I had been invited. Perhaps Aunt Kathryn needed to perfect her biting wit or had grown bored insulting the neighbors in muttered undertones behind a mendacious smile and lukewarm tea. If not for Daniel, who slept restlessly in the passenger seat as if he too felt the oppressive clouds bearing down on him as they drew nearer, I wouldn’t have even considered going.

The drive form Baltimore to Buda was unbearable. The landscape grew darker as we approached my Aunt’s house. Passing over the Hays county line, a cold sensation trickled down my spine, as if I were pursuing death itself.

“Whoa!” Daniel jerked forward in his seat, slapping his forehand on the window of my Xterra.

“We just passed the county line,” I warned him, glancing at a six car pile-up on the opposite road.

“Oh,” Daniel whispered hesitantly, rubbing his slightly bruised hand, “How much longer?”

“About ten minuets so get ready,” I took the exit leading through a maze of trees, fading the atmosphere to pitch black aside from the faint glow from my headlights.



“This is her house?” Daniel stared in disbelief at the un-kept lawn.

“It’s farther back, you dummy,” I giggled faintly at his assumption. The last giggle I would probably have for an eternity, or at least a week. Suddenly in the blackness of the lawn, a two dim porch lights flickered in the darkness. The silhouette of a petite figure leaped out one of the mahogany front doors. Racing towards us was my Aunt Kathryn’s daughter, Helen. I always loved to see Helen, especially when she visited without Aunt Kathryn. It was usually her that kept me from a spiraling depression during visits. Her blonde, curly hair bounced playfully in my face as she constricted me with her thin arms.

“Riley Anne! I’ve missed you so much! Come on! Come inside!” Helen pulled her baby blue night robe from the clutch of a dead rosebush inside the wrought iron gate, “Here, Daniel, let me help you.” Helen elevated our two massive suite cases in each arm, trudging up the wet grey stones. Auth Kathryn’s house was far too big for her small self. There was an unoccupied second floor; the only exception was the bedroom. Below was a formal dining room gathering dust for twenty years connected to a kitchen the size of a small restaurant only used by Helen and the butler, Herbert. Finally there was a formal living room and a stunning tea room, inhabited by the small Aunt Kathryn herself.

“Allow me?” Herbert waited directly inside of the doors, prepared for anything we threw at him.

“Yeah, Herb. Take these to the two closest guest rooms, please,” our suit cases hit the tile with a massive THUMP!Would you read this book?!?
I'm not entirely sure why others aren't liking it, the writing feels quite similar to that of the novels I've been reading. The prologue was very good, as short as the prologue should be in comparison to a normal chapter, and yet it still grabs your attention, as you have no idea what she is, who or what Lucas is, and what was on that cassette.



One point though, when she passed the county line, "a cold sensation trickled down my spine, as if I were pursuing death itself," This is fine if you're foreshadowing that she's going to die in this area over the county line, but if she isn't, then the line is too extreme, and you might consider replacing it with, "for a moment, a chill went through me, starting at my center, and permeating my entire body,"



Of course, that is just a minor flaw.
I was interested. =D

what is she?

the prologue really grabbed my attention!Would you read this book?!?
I was bored after the first line.

Sorry.

Not my type of book.

Maybe take a few more risks with your writing in your writing style.
I like it ! It is interesting but add more details and i noticed some flaws . in the beginning you were using so much voacbulary but then you used reallly little words like BIG.
Read the whole thing. Pretty good. =) Put up some more sometime. Now I wanna know what she is. Haha. =)
I would totally read this!
Probably not. You have some good points, but mostly your writing sounds forced, as if you're copying specific styles and not succeeding too well.



But if this is your first attempt at writing, my advice is forget about if others will read it. Just write your book straight through, and even if you never fix it up, you'll have learned something simply from the experience of writing. Also, you might want to try starting with short stories to experiment with style and tone before moving to harder, long-length books.
Probably not. I really tried to read it all but my mind wouldnt allow it so that tells me I would only be looking forward to the end. When its finally over. I know I sound harsh, but its how its going to be. Although it doesnt HAVE to be this way.