My name is __________and I am a graduate of _________ with a degree in Journalism. As you can see from the enclosed resume, I have had several internships and numerous experiences in all fields of communications yet I am searching for different revenues to help with my career goals. I’ve always been known as the “it girl” in my circle of friends. Living in Washington D.C., while attending _______ University, I often knew of restaurant openings, sales at boutiques, new bars and concerts. I took my love of the D.C. nightlife and created my site entitled, _______ has been picked up as a daily column on The Baltimore Examiner.com and it is currently ranked as the thirteen most read blog in Washington D.C. area.
I have a knack for finding trends in music, beauty and fashion. I speak with emerging fashion designers and review their line for my website. I often research the latest designer collections, post the latest trends in fashion and write on how to dress properly for a woman’s shape, play and work. I write numerous articles on beauty tips for women, I research the newest cosmetic companies and am able to receive samples to review for my site. I am able to obtain and maintain relationships with companies and they often inform me of their new products first. In addition to fashion, I have a strong interest in popular culture, the arts and music. I often review new music and I interview music artists for my site.
I also have an interest in living content and food. As a health conscious person, I love reading and researching new exercises, I love channeling and improving my inner yogi and learning how to turn my apartment green. I enjoy writing about local non-profits, green-friendly products and relationships. As budding foodie, I can efficiently write restaurant reviews and I love trying new foods and researching food tends.
Previous work includes, interning with BET.com and completing an editorial internship with Popular Science Magazine. At BET, I wrote articles for the community and dating pages, I edited chat transcripts and created polls for the website. At Popular Science, I was presented the opportunity to fact check numerous stories; compose articles for the web content and magazine on deadline. Currently, I am a full time editorial intern at O, The Oprah Magazine. As the editorial intern at The Oprah Magazine, I help assist the Editor-in-Chief, Gayle King and various department editors. I am efficient at answering phones, making copies, mailing and faxing. Part of my duties at O, include knowing the line-up and the K4 workflow, photocopying writers contracts, ordering the deluxe messenger service, signing for packages and transcribing interviews.
I believe with my experience in editorial and a background in food, fashion, woman’s issues, fitness and wellness, I would be a great candidate for your position. The enclosed resume will provide you with further information regarding my background and education. I would like to speak with you directly about this opportunity after you had time to review my credentials. I look forward to a possible future relationship with your organization.Would you hire me? Why can't I find a job?
First off, please note that I'm not going to try to be nice, nor am I trying to be mean. You asked what might be wrong, so I generated a list of everything I noticed that might be keeping you from getting a job.
My guess is that you sound like a freelancer or entrepreneur, not a job-seeker. You've played up a lot of your own experiences blogging, but you haven't really mentioned how you hope to do anything for the company you're addressing. The way you talk about your blog, it sounds like what you'd really like to do is get your own blog to generate enough income to sustain you. As an employer, I would figure that you would leave us the second you got enough ads on your blog to pay your own salary.
In general, your letter is very "me me me." Once again, let me remind you that companies want to know what you'll do for THEM. Mention the company a lot, or at least mention specific things you've done for OTHERS you've worked for, not just the things you've done for yourself. A related oopsie is that you just vaguely said "your position" in the last paragraph. Don't just say "your position." You should mention within the FIRST sentence EXACTLY what position you're writing about. Example: "I am writing in interest of the position of _________ at your company/magazine/whatever. I have previous successful experience doing this kind of work. For example, I interned at________________." Use examples of things you did that made things better for your previous places of work. Don't just list what your duties were. Instead, tell about the things you did that were above-and-beyond. (Note: Seriously, I would NEVER write down that I "signed for packages" as part of a job description. An untrained monkey could sign for packages. Only put down really, really important things that you did.)
You seem a bit all over the place. I guess you're trying to make it sound like you could do anything your employer told you to do, but you've put way too many interests on there. I personally enjoy astronomy, my pet cat, health and fitness, and puzzles-- but I wouldn't tell potential employers that stuff because it has little or nothing with the specific type of work I do! Focus on what you do-- writing and editing, right? Make your letter about your writing and editing instead of about your favorite hobbies.
Besides that, you saved all of your verifiable experience for the end of the letter and put unverifiable opinions and interests at the top. That order is all wonky. Lead off with your internships first, and don't put so much "I love," "I enjoy," and "I am interested in" stuff.
You've also got some comma misuse and things like that. Proofread more carefully.
Advice: Trash the whole thing and start over, only after deeply researching the company you're writing to and thinking long and hard about what you can offer THEM.
You're very well spoken and seem to have a great understanding of your chosen field of work. The only issue with finding a job is today's economy. You're very well rounded, and have an extensive knowledge of the English Language. Hang in there, keep your day job for the time being, and keep sending those applications! Best of luck!Would you hire me? Why can't I find a job?
To be honest, you have very little usable experience. This "knack" you speak of? Can you prove it?
What you enjoy matters to no one but you. That letter is WAY too long.
All I care about is what YOU can do for ME.
I only skimmed your letter. Its way too long. It shouldn't be more than 3 paragraphs and there should not be more than 4 or 5 sentences in each paragraph. As someone who has hired and fired before, this would go in File 13 (the trash can). Also, you haven't narrowed your skills down to any particular industry or field. You are presenting yourself as a Jack of all trades, but do you know the rest of that phrase? Its 'Jack of all trades, master of none'. That is how you come across, particularly because you keep referring to The Oprah Magazine. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think its O Magazine. You need to get that right since you interned there. Also, the commas all over the place are really annoying. I couldn't hire you for anything having to do with journalism or editing for that reason. And I hate to tell you this, but your subject/verb agreement is off. The last thing I will mention is that you don't need to list your duties in your cover letter because they should be on your resume. You just need to mention highlights you accomplished. If you don't have any then mention areas where you excelled.
Your cover letter is your moment to shine and grab the employers' attention. This one is lack luster and amateurish at best. Go to the library or the book store and see how a proper cover letter should be written. Also, tailor your cover letter for each job for which you apply. I ALWAYS change mine for every job. It takes a couple of minutes, but I get results.
I know this is a bit of tough love, but you can do this!
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